Ladies & Gentlemen, We Need To Talk.

Over the last several years, I have noticed something strange happening with the feminist movement. It could very well all be in my head, but I’m not sure. Does anyone else hear a resentful female voice taking over? One that is trying to silence the man? A bit of a misandrist? Well, it’s making me extremely uncomfortable. I like men. They have come in handy on several occasions. Although, for some strange reason, I can’t narrow it down to one in particular. They say idiotic things at times, but we keep each other in check. I feel there should be a balance. The man should not be held in higher regard than the woman or vice versa. However, our history has demonstrated otherwise. Women were forced into becoming a silent support system for her man while they gallivanted around doing whatever. She stayed at home, cooking and cleaning, taking care of the kids, while her husband provided financially for the family. As time went on, the female role slowly changed. The prim and proper stay-at-home mom didn’t want to want to stay at home anymore. She wanted respect. She wanted her voice. She wanted to be seen as more than just the stereotypical housewife. She didn’t want to be silenced into a corner any longer. All it took was one voice to start a movement for all womankind. Feminism is about the silent housewife being able to go to a job for the very first time and work alongside her male counterparts. It’s about the voice that was silenced by the man for all those years being able to speak out despite him. It’s about respect. It’s about the expression of long-repressed feelings and thoughts. It’s about sharing those feelings with a partner in every sense of the word. When a man talked over a woman, it was never about respect. It was about control and dominance. It was about showmanship in front of his male friends. If it wasn’t for those women of feminism (Sojourner Truth, Susan B. Anthony, Ruth Bader Ginsberg, just to name a few.) we might still be in our kitchens waiting for our men to come home from work. The mention of RBG brings up her modern-day fight for feminist values. Not only did she fight for women’s rights, but she fought for men as well. ( Califano v. Goldfarb (Argued Oct. 5, 1976; Decided Mar. 2, 1977) So, explain to me, why does this angry feminist voice have to take over now? That’s not what feminism is. It’s about empowerment. It’s about building self-confidence. It’s about equality.

In 2006, Tarana Burke created the #MeToo movement to provide awareness to the women who had been sexually abused and sexually harassed. Eleven years later (2017) Alyssa Milano made the hashtag phrase go viral. Women and men, alike, revealed personal traumatic experiences. It permitted a voice to the voiceless. It provided a safe space for women to come forward to speak their truth after being told by a man, “Who’s going to believe you?” I am relieved that women have found an outlet to express themselves without judgment. I know from my experiences with workplace harassment I felt isolated. I felt like it was my fault even though, logically, I knew it wasn’t. In this particular instance, my boss was an extreme micromanager. He didn’t like being told “No, I can’t do this right now, but if you wait . . .” Nope. No waiting allowed. His request was the most important; I had to jump for him. It didn’t matter if someone else asked me to do something first. I explained my issues to him, and his response was not supportive. Ok. That has nothing to do with me. That’s on him. He would test my loyalty by asking questions about office protocol, and I purposely answered nonchalantly. I knew what he was doing. I knew he was trying to set the stage for my dismissal, and I welcomed it. I rationalized it as I will collect unemployment for a short time, then move on to the next. I had already started my preemptive job search. Logic tells you not to react. Who cares about this place anyway? He’s an ass. Yadda yadda yadda. However, when you feel isolated at work, and the one person who promised to guide you doesn’t keep up his (or her) end of the deal, you can’t help but feel disappointed. It creates a toxicity that seeps into other aspects of your life. Those who stay at a job for several years with ongoing harassment may have decided to accept their fate. They aren’t going to find anything better. It’s just a job. The excuse list goes on. Unfortunately, they are managers who are so self-centered on their road to success that they forgot how to treat their employees respectfully. When you have an expectation for your employees to do as they’re told, you will find more defiance. You will find that you have a higher turnover rate in employment. This is why employees feel expendable. You’re just going to hire someone younger and prettier anyway. Maybe that cute blond with ample bosom, who greets you with a smile, will get those files on that top shelf for you. Who knows? Shot your shot, tough guy.

Let’s discuss the current harassment accusations against Gov. Andrew Cuomo. A part of me will always have the utmost respect for him because of how he stepped up for us during the pandemic. He provided detailed information on COVID-19, and put our minds at ease during an incredibly anxious time. He had some kickass PowerPoint presentations and a soothing, melodic voice to go along with the detailed explanations. (Do you think he could read me a bedtime story?) When Mayor Bill DiBlasio and Assembly Ron Kim came forward with their allegations of Cuomo’s bullying, I didn’t think anything of it. I presumed politicians bully each other to get what they want. That’s a thing, I hear. However, when women reported tales of a toxic workplace environment, I could not help but feel disappointed. Allegedly, he gave unwanted kisses and touches; commented on one’s looks. He may or may not have asked questions about one’s personal life and, allegedly, brought up an accuser’s sexual assault in conversation. ( Gov. Cuomo, if you read this, don’t do that ever again.) The #MeToo movement provided women with the legalize to file a claim, but not the empowerment and confidence to handle a potential harassment issue at the moment. We have due process to weed out the claims that are frivolous from that have merit. Gov. Cuomo apologized for his behaviors which may have been misinterpreted. He may have been oblivious to the fact that he made someone uncomfortable. Asking about personal relationships in the workplace is a gray area. Some people discuss every intimate detail of their lives without any issues. Then, there are some, myself included, that will not discuss personal matters at work ever. I have perfected the art of circumventing any question regarding my personal life. I understand why a young woman would feel an obligation to respond to a man in power, but honestly, if you prefer to keep your personal life out of the workplace, that is your choice, and he has to respect that.

It’s intimidating for a young, professional woman to work in a field surrounded by men. The constant name-calling; the sexual banter overheard in the breakroom between the guys; the inadvertent glances you have to pretend not to notice. ( Guys, you may not think we don’t see you, but we do.) Ladies, we have moved forward from our housewife days, but some of these men won’t let us. They still view a woman as a trophy. We’re supposed to sit there and look pretty and not be bothering with thinking. Thoughts are bad. Just tell me what to do. ( Rolls eyes) A friend of mine was called fat by one of her bosses. How do you even respond to that? Middle finger in the air and walk out? She was stunned and said nothing, but she quit soon thereafter. We all fear losing a spectacular job. We make a list of excuses on why we need to stay. We don’t want to mess up our careers. We have a five-year plan all set. My parents expect me to stay in a job till I die. We don’t want to upset the status quo. “Progress is impossible without change” (The great George Bernard Shaw) To grow as human beings, we have to make changes. Step out of our comfort zone a bit. That status quo isn’t all it’s cracked up to be if it’s breaking down your spirit. If someone is making you uncomfortable, please speak up. I recall the goal of the #MeToo movement is to be comfortable in your voice and set healthy boundaries in interpersonal relationships. It became distorted with man-hate speech, blaming the victim, and online harassment. Don’t forget the false accusations. To my surprise, when I asked several of my guy friends if they knew someone who had been falsely accused of a sexual assault, they said yes. One friend said his cousin had an ongoing relationship with his accuser; however, when the relationship ended, she allegedly retaliated by claiming he had raped her on one occasion. According to police, nothing could substantiate her claim, and they dropped the case. The media quotes the phrase “Believe All Women,” but how can we do that? People lie. Fabrications and political agendas pollute social movements. Don’t automatically think that we’re blaming the victim when we might legitimately want to hear all sides of the story, then make an informed decision. I saw an article online recently that headlined how men are ruining the #MeToo movement. No. They’re not. Let’s not give them that much credit. I will reiterate the importance of speaking ones’ truth; however, once you cross over into the court of law, the accused has the legal right to defend himself or herself. That’s where the lines get blurred.

One person’s harassment is another person’s foreplay, so it’s up to you to decide what your boundaries are. So, ladies, hopefully, you can see from my long-winded tale that you ARE the one who has the power and not these men “in power.” As for the men, this is your chance to re-evaluate your archaic perceptions of women. We are not just silent housewives anymore; We are multi-faceted, dynamic, and resourceful. We are forces to be reckoned with. Respect is a two-way street. All you need to do is meet us halfway, gentlemen.

Originally published at https://mersuniverse.wordpress.com on April 12, 2021.